So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
