i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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