Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
