i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
