im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
