Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
