when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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