i would punch a child for taco bell
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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