if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
