you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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