Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
