Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
wow bdsm is so cute
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
