So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
