not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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