so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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