dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
