Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
