The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
