By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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