Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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