yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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