his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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