I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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