I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
