I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
