we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
