I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
