Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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