I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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