I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
