Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I will be naked everywhere
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
