i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
