i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
