If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
