i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
