Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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