I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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