I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
