Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize