just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
