I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
