strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
