I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you guys were way drunker than both of me
why do cheetos always look like penises
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
