Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
