I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
