So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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