just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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