Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
