First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
