I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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