Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
