In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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