I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
