I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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