coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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