I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize