ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
