I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My vagina is officially offended.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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