walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
