Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
