with your own penis?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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