I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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