jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm really busy with my period
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