my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
