Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm so fucking centered right now
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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