I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
