if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
