i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
