you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
